Following a death, the survivors face a time that is already emotionally fraught. Matters are too often made worse in the case of disenfranchised grief: the idea that a death has to meet societal criteria to be “worthy” of grief. Social and cultural norms dictate who is permitted to grieve, receive support, acknowledgement, and validation. Those dealing with the trauma of unsanctioned grief -- such as for ex’s, prisoners, miscarriage, abortion, drug overdose, or drunk driving -- face judgement and isolation.
Grief is an internal process unique to each individual, which has neither a universal form nor timeline.
Mourning/bereavement is an external expectations prescribed by culture and institutions in the death system. The two occur at the same time and become more apparent in different ways, at different times, and in the presence of different people.
Rituals and ceremonies are coping mechanisms that channel the emotional energy of both states. They begin with decisions about the disposition of the remains. Most commonly, survivors opt for coffin burial or cremation but a number of alternatives exist, each with restrictions that vary by state. Ask the search engine of your choice about green burials, promession, resomation, donating the body to science or a body farm, or terramation.
Whatever your decisions, keep in mind that death is not a medical event. Death, even if violence was the cause, is a deeply personal event. Death is as sacred as birth was at the other end of the lifetime.
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